Vicksburg Bed and Breakfast Association
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Whether it is because it is holiday time, a birthday celebration, or just a chance meeting, unfortunately we all have those family members and friends who just do not get Fibromyalgia (FMS). Even worse, most of the time they think they know more about it than you do. There are several ways to handle the situation.
You can try to educate them. Not everyone is teachable, for whatever reason. Perhaps they are not capable of learning, do not want to understand, are just convinced, for some reason, they have gotten better information from another source even though it is wrong, etc. Sometimes the situation or location is not conducive to making it a teachable moment. You can get angry with them. Anger is a legitimate emotion and one we are all entitled to. There are times when enough-is-enough and it is time to let someone know it. There is a fine line however between assertively informing someone that they are out-of-line and aggressively addressing the issue, ending up out-of-line yourself. You can ignore them. Sometimes it is best for you, the other person, for others, or perhaps for everyone, to just be the bigger person and let it go. The question is, “Does it really matter if they understand?” I am not going to pretend for a moment that I know the answer to all the possible hypothetical scenarios. I am not even going to say I would know the correct answer if I knew the details of an actual situation. In fact, the only one who can answer that is you. Only you know the dynamics of the relationships involved, the personalities of the people involved, etc. Only you know if you want to use your limited energy trying to set the record straight. Only you know if you will be helping more than hurting or hurting more than helping by taking a stand. I do know, however, that whatever the topic, rarely will everyone you know agree with you or understand your situation. In my own LIFE, there have been situations when keeping the peace, preserving relationships, not spoiling a special occasion, or just being the bigger person or more understanding person was the best thing for everyone involved, including, and maybe even most especially, myself.
Honestly, ask yourself this question:
Do you act the way you feel or do you feel the way you act? When you get up in the morning, do you choose to think positively or, do you wake up and wait to see what thoughts just come to mind? Choosing to think positively immediately upon waking will set the tone for your entire day! No, it certainly cannot make Fibromyalgia (FMS) or any other chronic illness go away. Of course it will not change the facts of whatever problems you are dealing with such as finances, the loss of a job, etc. But choosing to think positively in spite of such things will make a difference in how well you hold up to, manage, and LIVE with and through such things. I often hear people say, “I’ve got to wait and see how I feel when I wake up in the morning.” I am not denying the legitimacy of such statements. Certainly there are aspects of our health we have to accept, learn to work around, and just LIVE with. However, “waiting to see” how you feel also translates into letting LIFE “happen to you”. You have essentially handed over the power to the only things you really have control of—your thoughts and actions! I do not say such statements lightly. As with all things I tell you, I do my best to practice what I preach. Yes, it is true that I cannot know for sure what I am going to be able to do each day. FMS varies in its severity and effect on me from moment to moment. Of course, if I wake up in a horrible flare, with increased pain, experiencing severe fibro fog, etc. it dictates what I am able to do. It does not have to dictate my attitude however. I control that! It is my choice as to whether or not I let actually, legitimately, and physically feeling badly effect my mood. I choose whether or not I am a grouch to others or treat others with respect. I choose whether or not I am bitter about not being able to do whatever I want. I can just as easily choose to evaluate what I am able to do and embrace that! Even if all I am able to do that day is rest, I can choose to be thankful for all the good aspects of my LIFE and gear my thoughts toward how great it will be when I do feel better and can do at least some of what I would like to be doing! This simple change will make a huge difference in your LIFE, but you have to choose to do it, consistently: When you awaken each morning, no matter what your physical condition and/or no matter what problems still exist, choose to be positive, optimistic, hopeful, and grateful! You may not notice a big change the first day, the eighth day, or even longer, however, eventually you will find that, while your situation may not have improved, how you feel about it, your LIFE in general, those you share your LIFE with, and yourself will have changed for the better! As simplistic as it sounds, it is true: Positivity attracts possitivity and leads to positive outcomes. Negativity attracts negativity and leads to negative outcomes. Why not choose to be positive? So, again, while it is true that you cannot “positive-think-away” an illness or troubling event or situation, you certainly can “positive-think-yourself” into a calmer, happier, more stable place mentally and emotionally and it will make a difference in all other aspects of your LIFE. The choice really is yours and only yours—mine and only mine. No one else can make this choice for us. True Story
Daddy and Aunt Ada are like oil and water. (Actually, I am pretty sure they do not get along because they are so much alike, but they would prefer the oil and water analogy so we will just go with that!) One day, Daddy got a heads up from his sister, Aunt Shirley, that she was picking up his other sister, Aunt Ada, and they were going to visit him. Regardless of what was socially acceptable, polite, expected, etc., (Not that Daddy had ever cared about those things...) Daddy just did not want to see her. This was his solution: I knew I had to think of something, quick! So I dialed Ada’s number. She must have seen her caller ID because she didn’t bother with saying hello. Instead, she said, “I’m about to come see you. Shirley will be here to pick me up any minute.” I said, “Don’t come! It’s a trap!” She yelled back, “What?” I said, “Hell yes, it’s a trap! When you get here, they are going to sign you in and leave you. Whatever you do, don’t come here. If you do, you’ll never go back home! It’s a trap!” He was so proud, he could hardly contain himself! He laughed so hard he had tears in his eyes. Once he composed himself a bit he, “Well, it worked! That was about four months ago and she has not trusted any of them enough to come visit me yet!” It was a cute little story, but what is my point? You do not always have to do what is socially acceptable, polite, or expected. Sometimes, you have to just do what is best for YOU. I am not saying you should use Daddy’s tactics. (Although I must admit I laughed as hard as he did! If you knew the two of them, you would be laughing right now too!) What I am saying is, whether you are physically not up to it, emotionally not up to it, or you just know it is going to be a negative experience for you, it is perfectly acceptable, perhaps even necessary, for you to decline invitations. YES, even Christmas family events. Of course we should make an effort to be socially active, a part of the family, not to let our health rob us of moments we cannot ever get back, etc. Still, the simple truth is not every family gathering is harmonious. Only you know your family dynamic well enough to decide, but if you really feel like it will drain you more than edify you, politely declining does not make you a bad or weak person. It is not selfish or cowardly. Actually, it is rather brave. (Perhaps not the way Daddy went about it...) Again, politely declining is probably best and definitely more mature. However, do not allow your own holiday season to be spoiled by putting the expectations of others, even family, ahead of your own wellbeing. Whatever it takes—you know I do not mean something crazy, but within reason, right? Just checking! Whatever it takes—have YOURSELF a Merry Christmas! Once we stopped laughing, I asked Daddy if he really felt he had done the right thing. After all, she would not have stayed long, she is his sister, and he does like to have visitors. He said, “All we do is fuss when she visits. I have not had to fight with her in four months. Are you kidding? I’m already working on my next plan in case this one stops working!” "You Can’t Always Get What You Want…” A LIVING a fibroLIFE© Blog by Meshea Crysup, Founder of fibroLIFE© I never dreamed when I reached my fifties, I would share true words of wisdom by quoting the Rolling Stones. It is truly a gas, gas, gas! I understand many hate, even fear, change. Thankfully I have always embraced it. True to my nature, I embraced moving to Vicksburg. I have new friends, new favorite places, etc. I did not, however, find them by trying to replace or recreate what I had left behind in Paducah, KY. When it came to continuing fibroLIFE© however, that is not the approach I took. I truly felt I had to find non-fibro people dedicated to the cause, just like I had in Paducah.
Over the past two years I evaluated everyone I have met, decided which ones were approachable on the subject, and explained my ambitious vision to them. Most were impressed, or kind enough to pretend so, and some even wanted to be a part of it. Consistently, however, it would turn out that none of them had the time to spare. After all, fibroLIFE© has never made money; it has always been entirely volunteer. Interested, good people, just could not give up thier "day jobs", no matter how much they believed in what I was saying. While I was unhappy about not finding anyone to help rebuild fibroLIFE©, my approach to the rest of my LIFE was working out pretty well! I did find people who liked to eat breakfast or lunch out, and had the time to do so. I met people with similar interest, such as history. Eventually, I even found a newly forming group to become a part of: Vicksburg Civil War Roundtable. In on the "ground floor" and true to my nature, when a chance for a leadership role presented itself, I took it! Ready, willing, and able, because I would have partners! It was volunteer work, not a job. No one would live or die, nor would I be fired, etc. if I went into a flare! Nothing would fall apart if I fell apart for awhile! Perfect! I was excited from the get-go! I was involved in the meetings, planning how we wanted to “grow the group”, promoting what we were doing on facebook, through networking with history-based businesses and organizations locally, etc. I could not do it every day and I surly was not doing it all according to my own very high expectations. Regardless, I was meeting new people, taking part in very interesting discussions, excited about upcoming events, developing new ideas--all things I thrive on when I am well enough to do them. Wait a minute… That sounds an awful lot like LIVING! Duh! Talking about not seeing the forest for the trees! I had been locked into thinking I had to recreate the former dynamic of fibroLIFE©. If I were ever going to have any degree of success again with fibroLIFE©, I truly felt I had to find non-fibro people dedicated to the cause, just like I had in Paducah. Maybe the successful rejuvenation of fibroLIFE© would not happen or look like what I was expecting? Maybe what I needed was to recognize, be thankful for, and embrace the fibroLIFE© I was building here? After all, fibroLIFE© in Paducah got people out of the house, got them involved in activities, encouraged creating partnerships between fibro and non-fibro people so the fibro person could be a part of something that would not falter or fail when they had a flare. As far as "the big picture", I always resisted re-inventing the wheel. I never wanted to duplicate what someone else was doing very well already. fibroLIFE© promoted and shared the great work done by others and focused on what we identified as lacking. Our vision and methods were always different. fibroLIFE© has always been basically me, LIVING my LIFE openly and sharing my successes and failures in the hope of inspiring, motivating, and encouraging others to LIVE their own fibroLIFE© to the fullest! fibroLIFE’s credibility was based firmly upon my never telling anyone they could do anything I had not already done myself! I insisted that we owed it to ourselves to examine our LIVES--what we were passionate about-- and look at the opportunities around us, and then embrace every opportunity available, right where we were, whereever that may be. I do not recall quoting them exactly, but in my own way I was always LIVING, and encouraging others with FMS to LIVE, according to one of my favorite Rolling Stone's song: You can’t always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you just might find—in fact I am positive most of the time—that you get what you need! Without even realizing it—by just being myself, doing things that interested me, determined to be a productive person in a meaningful way in spite of FMS—I found the non-fibro partners I needed. True, they are not doing any of the things I thought I needed them to do. No one is blogging about FMS, planning fibroLIFE© events, working on the next tool or book, etc. In fact, not a single one of my new partners are doing anything that would cause them to ever say, “Oh and I have been helping out with this organization called fibroLIFE©”. My newest “partners-in-time” are people with extraordinary enthusiasm for and talents in other areas of LIFE that interest me. I have always loved history! When I moved here, I was shocked at how Vicksburg did not embrace its very important role in history. I have been on a soapbox from day one wanting to help change that. My new, non-fibro “partners-in-time” have enabled me to do just that! I am not planning any fibroLIFE© events. I have halted all the fibroLIFE© projects I still believe in but cannot do on my own. I am not pursuing any of "the usual stuff". Intead I am LIVING by becoming involved in something in the non-fibro world. I tapped into something I have always LOVED, and I am sharing it with you, to SHOW you in stead of just telling you, that YOU CAN TOO! Afterall, that has always been the fibroLIFE© way! I am LIVING, minimizing the fibro, maximizing the LIFE! I am LIVING in spite of FMS. I am LIVING my fibroLIFE© It is not remotely the way I had hoped for or thought it had to be. Just between you and me, and anyone else who will listen, I believe this way is going to be even better! No you can’t always get what you want. No you can’t always get what you want. But if you try sometimes You just might find You’ll get what you need! ~The Rolling Stones The blog posts have slowed down. All three facebook pages have become home to “Civil War” this and “Historic Vicksburg” that. You have been shaking your head, wondering, “What is Meshea Crysup up to now?” After nearly two years, I have finally met a group of people who, like me, believe that Vicksburg needs to embrace its History as industry! As exciting as that is, how would any of this help me with LIVING my fibroLIFE©? Re-discovering LIVING my fibroLIFE© Those of you who know me or have followed me very long at all are not totally surprised. In fact, you expect me to “shake things up a bit” and, frankly, you would worry about me when I do not. To be honest, I worry about myself at those times. If I am not cranking out blog posts, writing or editing a project, and/or posting away on facebook, either new information, inspiration, or laughs or freely sharing I feel too badly to be doing any of the above, I had better be on vacation, have company in town, or some other exciting reason! If not, yes, it is time to worry! For those of you who are not as familiar with me, I will explain: LIVING and LIFE are emphasized in fibroLIFE© and LIVING a fibroLIFE© because I am determined to maximize LIFE and minimize fibromyalgia (FMS)! I am also committed to encouraging, inspiring, educating—dragging if necessary—others into doing exactly the same thing! If I am not maximizing LIFE, something is not right in my LIFE. I have been mourning the loss of my beloved friend and co-director, Kathy Keeney, for several years now. I understand that seasons change and it was time for her to do something else, and I am behind her 100% in whatever she does in LIFE. Her presence as my non-fibro counterpart however was essential to the work we were doing. My vision for fibroLIFE© is no less valid than it was during that season we shared, but it has been impossible to find anyone else who shares in it—and has the time to devote to it—that Kathy had. I have written about this many times. I have re-booted, re-configured, and re-worked my processes more times than either my readers or I care to count! Regardless of how confident I have been in my ideas, the essential ingredients for follow-through have just not been there. I cannot focus, plan, and produce consistently without a non-fibro counterpart due to all the many aspects of having a fibroLIFE©. If I could, I would still be working in the Real World. While I still have much to give to the World of All Things Fibro, I have failed to re-create the magic of our partnership. For me, failure is not an option! Maybe the key is rather than re-creating, I need to focus on re-discovering? When Hubby and I moved to Vicksburg, MS, because of his work, I was so excited! I love history and have had a special interest in the American Civil War for as long as I can remember. To my surprise—and disappointment—Vicksburg has not embraced its place of importance in history as I had expected. One of my first statements to our realtor was about how someone needed to do something about it. In fact, I even told her that if I did not have Fibromyalgia (FMS), I would lead the charge, pun intended! To do so, however, I would again need the help of a non-fibro counterpart or counterparts. After nearly two years, I have finally met a group of people who, like me, believe that Vicksburg needs to embrace its History as industry! As exciting as that is, how would any of this help me with LIVING my fibroLIFE©? The answer is so simple and obvious that I nearly missed it myself! I have pontificated for nearly two decades on finding ways to remain active, connected, involved, passionate, productive, etc. in spite of LIVING with fibro. I have told everyone that the key, for me, because of the type of things I am drawn to—educating about, developing processes, and motivating and inspiring change—is having a non-fibro counterpart. I have stumbled-by-design into a cause I am passionate about that has a readymade pool of non-fibro counterparts! I say “stumbled-by-design” because I have been actively seeking the answer to my situation. I have been not just hoping something or someone would come along! I have not been waiting passively for LIFE to happen to me. I have been engaging in what has been available to me and embracing the opportunities I have found! Seeking… NOT just hoping… Engaging… Embracing… All are proactive… All are choosing my life rather than life just happening to me! I have Re-Discovered LIVING my fibroLIFE©! I certainly could not start and sustain the organizations that I am now a part of because I LIVE a fibroLIFE©. But, with other members—counterparts—present to keep things focused and progressing when fibro is temporarily winning our never-ending-tug-of-war over my LIFE, I am LIVING my fibroLIFE© to the fullest again!
You are seeing posts related to the above lists on fibroLIFE©, MesheaCrysup.com, LIVING MY fibroLIFE©, and my personal fb page because, as I have always done, I am not just telling you how to LIVE a fibroLIFE©, I am showing you how I LIVE my fibroLIFE©! I am leading by example. I am practicing what I am preaching. I am not saying one thing but doing another. I am educating those with and without Fibromyalgia (FMS) about the difficulties of LIVING in spite of fibro by sharing all I am involved with AND sharing just how much I rely upon, need, and respect my non-fibro counterparts! I cannot make a living like this, but I am LIVING my fibroLIFE© to the fullest! I am so proud—blessed, happy, re-vitalized, renewed, etc.—to be an active participant in the groups that are moving Vicksburg forward by helping Vicksburg embrace its past—we are Re-Discovering Historic Vicksburg! I am perhaps even more proud, if that is possible, to be an active participant in the World of All Things Fibro, sharing the journey, no matter what it involves, with all of you, as I move forward, finally, Rediscovering LIVING My fibroLIFE©! ~Meshea Crysup Just a few I have to thank:
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