"Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can."
I have been agonizing lately about how to pick up the pieces of my online writing, blogging, etc., and move on. Without it, I feel sure I am not doing my life's calling, but...(Such a small, yet powerful word...)
I have not felt well. Pain has been up. Fatigue has been up. Now fibro-fog and anxiety are up. Then, today, as I was trying to work through a small, should-be-simple, list of things to do, I found myself overwhelmed and in tears...until I looked at my facebook page...and...well...you be the judge...
facebook asks, "What's on your mind?"
Well, funny they should ask...
My mind is on my mind. Perhaps I should say my fibro-foggy mind is on my mind. (Note: I had to re-type "foggy" three times...kept mixing up the letters...and did it again in this sentence...)
My pain isn't elevated...hasn't been the past two days which is odd given the rain that moved in. (Hubby asked me how the rain happened yesterday morning I wasn't prepared for it, lol!) But...oh how the fog and anxiety are making up for the "normal" pain level!
I write OFTEN, and re-post OFTEN, about CHOOSING to be happy, polite, positive, etc. I mean it, believe it, and practice it to the best of my ability. But just as CHOOSING to be positive does not PREVENT or STOP the pain and fatigue of FMS, it also can't prevent or stop the mental fog and anxiety.
Think of it this way...
The body that does not make, or make enough, insulin requires insulin replacement. One can be as positive as one can imagine and STILL that does not change the need for insulin BECAUSE the problem is not a psychological one, but rather, a PHYSIOLOGICAL one.
Now, apply that to the fog and anxiety of FMS...because it is TRUE!
I can't use positive thinking to create the chemicals my brain needs to process and/or process correctly. Unfortunately, meds can only do so much for it as well. The fog of FMS...our anxiety issues, confusion, being over-whelmed, etc. are NOT "mental" or "psychological" issues...but rather, PHYSIOLOGICAL ones! I can't just "take a pill" or "think myself" out of this fibro-funk of fog, anxiety, and information overload type of state. No one with FMS can do that.
That does not mean that KEEPING A POSITIVE FRAME OF MIND will not HELP. In fact, without a positive attitude, right now I'd just "shut down" altogether. I'd drown in the embarrassment I feel, the lack of control, the helplessness, etc. BUT NO...I refuse to do that! You see, I cannot use positive thinking to change a "real, existing condition or circumstance" but I CAN, WILL, and MUST CHOOSE my REACTION to this very "real, existing condition and circumstance"! What I CAN, WILL, and MUST do is maintain a POSITIVE attitude to get me through it!
I hope my sharing this private, invisible battle helps someone in some way. It's why I do it. Not for attention, sympathy, etc., but to increase public awareness for others with and without FMS. If this helps JUST ONE person, then I've taken my burden and used it for good. That's why I write, talk, text, tweet, and fb about FMS...my own personal battles with FMS.
Bless you all...
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