One of the major complaints I hear...one of the major causes of distress I hear ...from others with Fibromyalgia is that they are being told they talk to much about having FMS. In fact, this is probably one of the top five things someone can say to me that will really set me off! Here we are...we have LITTERALLY LOST OUR LIVES to this DISEASE that is not even called a DISEASE...and people who have NO IDEA what we are going through have the AUDICITY to be telling us what we SHOULD or SHOULD NOT be talking about?
Because they cannot SEE our FMS, we must be making it up!
If we would just not think about it so much, we would certainly feel better!
How do we ever expect to get better when our SUPPOSED aches, pains, and fatigue are all we ever talk about?
If we would just stop talking about how badly we feel and get busy with the things we should be doing, we would no doubt find out we really can work, clean house, etc.
You talk about FMS so much that you have just become FMS...you have lost yourself! Uh, we TALK about it because it has happened to us ALREADY...and YES IT HAS TAKEN OVER OUR LIVES! It affects EVERY SINGLE PART OF OUR LIVES ALL THE TIME!And one of my biggest pet peeves...I do not meant to offend anyone's religious beliefs here but: Stop SPEAKING THAT ILLNESS over yourself! As if SAYING OUT LOUD what is TRUE is what is causing our ALL OUR PROBLEMS!
Well, I am thinking you know how I feel about our being told we talk about FMS too much. I do think, HOWEVER, that we may, and often DO, talk about FMS "the wrong way".
I am a true believer in the power of personal choice. Now, I do NOT think we can just DECIDE to NOT have FMS, but I think we can...we MUST...CHOOSE how we are going to react to having FMS. In fact, choosing not to choose is actually choosing by default! So, one way or another, each of us IS GOING TO CHOOSE how we deal with our FMS. This includes how we discuss having FMS.
A recent Zig Ziglar quote I saw was this:
~"Being negative only makes a difficult journey more difficult."
I talk about FMS all the time...but RARELY do I do so in a way that makes others feel like I am WHINNING or FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF. Not that I did not do my fair share of that for some time, but it hit me one day that it brought me down even more just complaining about all of my symptoms AND people were really just tired of hearing about them! There is a difference in sounding like a whiner or constant complainer and in being matter-of-fact about just how badly you are feeling. That difference lies in are you speaking in a negative manner or are you just being factual AND are you pointing out what you are doing to make things better or to deal with it. The difference is in COUNTERING the negative aspects of FMS with POSITIVE things you are doing to COPE with having FMS!
Think of it like a job. Many bosses do NOT want to hear JUST about problems. However, if you go talk to the boss about a problem AND you have some possible solutions in mind, they are usually VERY WILLING to listen. Family, friends, and even our health care providers are much the same way. If we discuss, honestly, just how badly we are feeling, they do not mind listening IF we just go that extra step AND add things we are trying to do to help, cope, etc. Instead of hearing us whine, they hear how we are FIGHTING!
There is a catch to this however: we have to have POSITIVE things we are doing to talk about. That is the beauty of this! Not only will doing this help improve our relationships BUT it also FORCES us to MAKE some POSITIVE CHOICES. We can no longer let ourselves off the hook with just "reporting" the truth about how badly we are feeling. We are FORCING ourselves to think past the negative truth and look for positive solutions!
Another plus is that once we start this, often those we are talking to will start helping us come up with ideas! That is right! We can list how badly we feel, then all the things we have tried, and often those around us "buy in" to our true condition and needs and they begin trying to help us find better ways to cope!
I do not recommend that you go lecture all those who have told you that you talk about your FMS too much. I suggest that you just implement this new approach, and over time, you will see improvement. Granted, this will not turn everyone around, but it will turn some people around. Even more importantly, however, it turns US around! Consciously CHOOSING how we discuss our FMS will change our mindset...and while that will not "make us better", it makes having FMS more manageable...for others AND for ourselves. It is the inevitable power of positivity verses negativity! Remember, "Being negative only makes a difficult journey more difficult." Conversely then, being positive can ONLY make a difficult journey LESS difficult! This POSITIVE change will help you LIVE your fibroLIFE!
1/13/2015 06:43:38 pm
I can't do the simplest tasks some days without paying for it later. I get so depressed because I can't do things like I used do. In my mind I feel like I'm capable so I go ahead and do shopping or housework but then the pain is horrible and I stay in bed.
1/23/2015 10:14:52 pm
Diane, how wonderful to hear from you again! I am so very sorry, however, at your situation. I understand your battle. The key is...and I'm not saying it is easy at all...FIND A BALANCE.
1/16/2015 04:55:16 am
This is a very true article to put out there. So many don't understand FMS and they should. It is a very real everyday pain we deal with. Most people don't even know what it is or know bit don't understand.
1/23/2015 10:19:37 pm
Hello Whitney Garner and thank you for taking the time to read the blog and respond!
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